Ever notice how when you first come into your hotel room the drain plug for the bathtub is closed? I always forget and then I start to take a shower and notice my ankles are swimming in tub water. I guess the maids shut them to a closed position. I hereby decree congressional bill # HR5 No wet ankles that makes it federal law for all drain stops to be left in the open position.
Why does housekeeping routinely have their personal conversations in the hallways at voluminous volume levels? Some even accentuate these personal conversations with a radio blaring like a soundtrack of their lives. I don’t want to hear at 7:30am how your husband farts at the dinner table all the time!
What is it about people that rent a hotel room for their family and then the adults wander off somewhere leaving their kids to run amok up and down the hallways? Hotel hallways are not a daycare center people! I recommend bringing a scary mask in your luggage and wait for opportune moment to scare the bejeezus out of the little rug rats.
Ever had an “advanced reservation” for a hotel room only to be told when you showed up that “we don’t have any rooms left?” Has happened to me with the Marriott in downtown Minneapolis and Extended Stay America in Phoenix. Next time, bring a tent and tell them you will be camping in their lobby till your “reservation” is ready.
Ate at a casino cafe in Indiana and asked the waitress if the coffee was real or not, you know brewed or freeze dried or liquid coffee from a machine. She had no idea what I was talking about and said she would go check on it. “Looks like it’s from a machine, geez, I never really noticed that before.” I asked her if she had ever tasted real coffee before and she said, “No, I guess not.” “How about real cream?” I asked. “You mean those little packet thingy’s are not real?” she inquisitively asked. “Nope,” I said. “Generally, artificial flavor and an expiration date of 2525 is not something that is real.”
WAIT, this tag was on my mattress at a hotel in Arizona. Does this mean the bed is “certifiably bed bug ridden” or does it mean its “Bed Bug free.” I am kind of itchy.
Bed Bug Free or?
Great technique to do on your noisy next door hotel neighbors. 1. Go outside and make sure you get their room number correctly. 2. Go to your room phone with a towel over the phone and dial their room number. When they answer the phone you then say in your best deep official and intimidating kind of voice “This is hotel security. We know you have illegal contraband in your room. Before we call the FBI, as a courtesy to your neighbors, you might want to quiet things down a bit.”
Ever gone down to a hotel breakfast that was supposed to be open from 7:00am to 10:00am only to find it closed already at 9:50am? Well, most of these offerings are of the fake powdered eggs, rubber sausages and watery coffee variety so you’re not missing much. I recommend staying in bed. Safer and healthier.
Travel safe kids and I’ll see you on the road somewhere.
John Mueller
0 Comments